CommanderBond.net

Comments, general complaints and/or backbiting can be posted here, please. Read the fanfiction here.

No complaints at all, just some comments.

Your sense of detail is very good, especially in the "stalking" sequence where the assassin and Bond are stalking each other before the confrontation. I also like how Bond ignores the "no smoking" sign and puffs away.

I like where this is going, and can't wait to see how this plays out.

-- Xenobia

Darn good character capture for a short story - so Bond to puff away in a no smoking zone, and so Bond to hate guard duty - but such nice areas to show Bond's character

Most kind. Wouldn't mind hearing some feedback from other prospective authors like Xen and Doc Crane.

Good story OO0.

Great intro, sets the story up well I think, but I didn't realise it was night time until half way through the story when Bond picks up his night vision binocs. I had to re-adjust my imagery of the scene.

A little too blocky though, the length of your paragraphs remind me of a text book. Maybe you should break up the narative a bit (I probably break up mine too much but it doesn't seem like a chore to read [if I say so myself ]).

"inviting Death to slowly wrap its icy hands around your neck," "to inject a dose of Death," and "hearing his weapon speak it's deadly words" seem a tad corny and mellow-dramatic anf I'm guessing you don't really speak like that. I find it easier to write narative in the way I speak. It's more natural that way and certainly less forced.

All this is purely my thoughts as I read the story and is not meant to be read as critism from an expert, which I'm definitely not.

Overall OO0, well done.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Blofeld's Cat
[B]\"inviting Death to slowly wrap its icy hands around your neck,\" \"to inject a dose of Death,\" and \"hearing his weapon speak it's deadly words\" seem a tad corny and mellow-dramatic anf I'm guessing you don't really speak like that. I find it easier to write narative in the way I speak. It's more natural that way and certainly less forced.
[/B][/QUOTE]
Yes, I figured someone would bring that up. I kind of felt that after I had read it over a few times, but I left it in just to see what people would say. Looking back, it seems more like a half-assed (excuse my language) attempt on my part to be Fleminesque. I'll keep that in mind when (if) I write another Bond short, BeeCee. Thanks.

Ah, finally found the original thread.

A fine read Double-Oh-Zero, very glad we have this in the story collection.

Since I've begun writing my own fan fiction again I've been re-reading some of the stories that are out there. The excellently presented collection From a Scream to a Sigh seemed like a natural place to start again (once more I have to comment on the artwork and presentation - it really is nothing short of brilliant.)

Fraser Lomas' The Lingering Fate is a traditionally crafted short story that works through its limited scope - the author rightly does not attempt to tell a big story in a small space. It has a distinct beginning (workmanlike plot exposition), middle (the chase and ensuing fight) and end (the assailant's death). However, The Lingering Fate is much more than simply a sum of its parts. The piece may be under four pages long, but there are no wasted sentences, each moving the story forward and keeping the reader engaged. Lomas has therefore produced a most satisfying of short stories.

We get a glimpse into Bond's psyche, his relationship with the gruff M, his exsaperation with the lack of work and his umbrage at being assigned such a lowly task. This is done suggestively as opposed to blatantly and makes for some interesting character exploration. Lomas reveals very little about the plot - the treaty that is to be signed - and thus avoids the mistake of some authors who overkill on the detail in a short story. Central to the story is the action, Bond's detailed stalking of the assailant and the fight. As noted, this section is written lucidly creating a tense atmosphere that ensures the reader is kept interested. The only problem is the writing does suffer slightly from being somewhat 'Bond did this...' and 'Bond did that...' but overall the writing is otherwise very good. I particularly like the ending and Bond's ignoring of the no smoking sign.

Most importantly, Lomas succeeds in creating an ultimately enjoyable story that moves quickly and imaginatively. Traditional it is in the structure, which is certainly not a criticism, through the use of detail and suggestion the author has conveyed much about Bond's character in a short space. Excellent.

This post has been edited by Lazenby880: 26 May 2005 - 15:07

Extremely good. One of the best short stories I have ever read. Congratulations for such a good tale.